I was born on January 21st 1995.
Like most childhoods mine was a pretty healthy one up until the age of 9, then everything changed.
Moving to America was a huge surprise and a sudden decision as Zimbabwe was getting dangerous and have had a few break ins, partly because my dad worked and ran his business from home. Leaving my dad for almost a year was probably one of the saddest moments I can remember as I was a daddy's girl back then and still am today. Problems began when starting elementary school as at the age of 9 I was put into grade 5 which I happened to be the youngest in my class and failed miserably and struggled to make friends for the first time ever. Because we were not American citizens we needed a visa to be able to stay permanently which meant flying to London to have all the paperwork sorted. Once we arrived back to the U.S (Florida to be exact) I was moved down to 4th grade and found school much easier and had the confidence to make friends again and was quite happy. 11 years old my parents decided it was best they got a divorce before leaving America 2.5 years later. The visa fell through I was completely and utterly miserable with everything going on and cried days on end. I Left with my dad and sister to go live in England without my mum for at least three months and not to mention staying with my grandparents permanently which was a struggle as they were very controlling especially when it came to food and you had to eat way more than even I was comfortable with which was a lot, until we found a suitable house to live in . Starting school was rather nerve racking and especially high school of not knowing anyone. I seem to have just lost all confidence once again and found it difficult to find a place where I fit in as I never knew popularity was such a big deal. Most kids liked me because I was different and had an American accent and once that changed it was a whole different story. I forgot to mention as this is to do with an eating disorder before I developed one I had a perfectly healthy relationship with food although I always thought my thighs were bigger than most girls even at the age of 7 is where body dysmorphia began even though I was quite thin. Year 8 and 9 currently 13 years old and as you know being a girl things change and I suddenly started feeling self conscious with my body and really feeling too fat for my body. Then one day out of the blue I started eating food and feeling guilty little did I know this was the starting point and I thought I was putting on lots of weight and my relationship with food spiralled out of control. My friends and I always used to compare our weights and discuss ways of loosing weight by skipping meals or simply eating less. First solution was a diet which was unheard of in my family. That morning I woke up and began my diet which quickly became an obsession with food and every time I lost weight I felt self control. Then just two months later I got so bad I refused to eat at all and lost so much weight I became weak , isolated myself from friends. family trips , eating out , loosing my hair which got dramatically thinner. I then told my parents I feel unwell and extremely unhappy and wanted to just die I am not proud of this at all and definitely put a wedge between me and my family.
End Of PART 1
: A more positive post coming soon :
In January 2009 I was diagnosed with Anorexia ,just before my birthday.
The next few months were pretty much hell I was off from school for three months straight and was not interested in anything apart from being a kid. I refused to eat by myself therefore my parents fed me at the age of 14. The real reason was because I was afraid of being alone and desperate for someone to feel my pain and suffering. Looking back now that does seem extreme and rather quite weird but it happened and is part of the recovery process along with having these disgusting high calorie drinks which were vile and quite honestly hopefully will never have to ever drink those ever again. Weight was a small part to play as I hated my body but what I really wanted was to be someone else. Friends were a real struggle for me as I chose to not respond to anyone in my group, but was rather touched when they all made me a get well soon card, which was rather sweet and was very incredibly grateful for them doing such a sweet gesture. In the month of April I awoke one morning and made the decision I was going to recover and get my life back once and for all so I went downstairs prepared and ate my breakfast(sounds easy right ?) Unfortunately I forgot the feelings and emotions that would reoccur afterwards. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAKING YOURSELF FAT ? I chose to ignore the negative energy and focus on who I really am as a person. Over the next few months things were beginning to look a whole lot better. I went back to school to finish my Gscse's and really put the effort into getting the best possible grades I can get. For two years I was stable with my anorexia I was neither recovered or back to my old ways I just learned to cope with now. Occasionally would fall behind several steps ,although I was rigorously counting calories and obsessed with creating the perfect meal plans for when I was older . Which sounds ridiculous and your right it really was, little did I know I started to fear the amount of TV I was watching and how long I spent on the computer ,feeling very guilty if I went over my time limit.
Marilyn Monroe Quote : "I believe everything happens for a reason ! People change so you can learn to let go , things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right. You believe lies so that you will eventually trust no one but yourself and sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together
Exciting posts will be coming up next week !
What is your favourite quite to live by ?
