Thursday, 30 May 2013

Honesty Is The Best Policy

I was born on January 21st 1995.
Like most childhoods mine was a pretty healthy one up until the age of 9, then everything changed.
Moving to America was a huge surprise and a sudden decision as Zimbabwe was getting dangerous and have had a few break ins, partly because my dad worked and ran his business from home. Leaving my dad for almost a year was probably one of the saddest moments I can remember as I was a daddy's girl back then and still am today. Problems began when starting elementary school as at the age of 9 I was put into grade 5 which I happened to be the youngest in my class and failed miserably and struggled to make friends for the first time ever. Because we were not American citizens we needed a visa to be able to stay permanently which meant flying to London to have all the paperwork sorted. Once we arrived back to the U.S (Florida to be exact) I was moved down to 4th grade and found school much easier and had the confidence to make friends again and was quite happy. 11 years old my parents decided it was best they got a divorce before leaving America  2.5 years later.  The visa fell through I was completely and utterly miserable with everything going on and cried days on end. I Left with my dad and sister to go live in England without my mum for at least three months and not to mention staying with my grandparents permanently which was a struggle as they were very controlling especially when it came to food and you had to eat way more than even I was comfortable with which was a lot, until we found a suitable house to live in . Starting school was rather nerve racking and especially high school of not knowing anyone. I seem to have just lost all confidence once again and found it difficult to find a place where I fit in as I never knew popularity was such a big deal. Most kids liked me because I was different and had an American accent and once that changed it was a whole different story. I forgot to mention as this is to do with an eating disorder before I developed one I had a perfectly healthy relationship with food although I always thought my thighs were bigger than most girls even at the age of 7 is where body dysmorphia began  even though I was quite thin. Year 8 and 9 currently 13 years old and as you know being a girl things change and I suddenly started feeling self conscious with my body and really feeling too fat for my body. Then one day out of the blue I started eating food and feeling guilty little did I know this was the starting point and I thought I was putting on lots of weight and my relationship with food spiralled out of control. My friends and I always used to compare our weights and discuss ways of loosing weight by skipping meals or simply eating less. First solution was a diet which was unheard of in my family. That morning I woke up and began my diet which quickly became an obsession with food and every time I lost weight I felt self control. Then just two months later I got so bad I refused to eat at all and lost so much weight I became weak , isolated myself from friends. family trips , eating out , loosing my hair which got dramatically thinner. I then told my parents I feel unwell and extremely unhappy and wanted to just die I am not proud of this at all and definitely put a wedge between me and my family.
End Of PART 1

: A more positive post coming soon :

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